CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Human Resources,

Sitting through your mandated sexual harrassment seminar yesterday really stirred my conscience, and I decided it is time to act. Please receive this letter as a formal complaint against Wesley James Paris.

I thought I just had to put up with Wesley, but now I am convinced that I have a right to speak up. The director of H.R. said that in our culture, we each have a 'hula hoop' of personal space, about 18 inches. Wesley has been invading my hula hoop for over two years now. It is a persistent, on-going behavior that isolates and offends me, and is based upon my gender. He pinches and touches, and sometimes even licks and sucks. You said sexual harrassment is usually defined as an on-going pattern like this, but that when 'certain body parts' are touched, it qualifies instantly as harrassment. Wesley touches my certain body parts every single day. Other people here have observed the behavior, but if you ask them for statements, they probably will refuse. Maxwell Porter, Oliver Williams, and James Gale are the main people who observe Wesley's behaviors, but they are on his side; they operate like an old boy's club and will just protect each other at my expense.

I try to be lighthearted about it and to say it's no big deal, but it is a big deal. Your seminar convinced me to address it directly, so first thing this morning I went to Wesley. I was really nervous, but I said how I felt. I said I wanted him to respect my personal space and to stop acting like he has the right to touch me whenever and however he wants. He laughed right in my face and said, "Elbow!" Then I said, "Do you remember that time when you pulled my shirt open in public, or that other time when you forced me to kiss your open mouth that was dripping with drool from the bottom lip and snot from the top lip?" He acted like he didn't remember, shouted "Diaper!", and ran past me down the hallway.

He just doesn't get it, and I think he doesn't even want to get it. I don't even need an apology; I just want the behavior to stop. Consider this fair warning to the organization. Either Wesley grows up and starts acting like a professional, or I'll sue.

Sincerely,
Wesley's mom

All boy, to the power of two

Sadly, this exchange between James and I didn't even seem unusual.

Jenell: What happened behind Wesley's ear?
James: Oliver stabbed him in the neck with a screwdriver.

A collective inventory of active wounds on their two bodies at the moment include: scraped top of foot, three scraped knees, stab wound behind ear, bug bite on ear, 1/4 inch wide gash from lip to nose (O hit W in face with a pop can), cut across forehead, bruise on back of leg, two small scabs on heads, deep cut on elbow, small scrape on elbow, at least ten scratches on legs, one large 2-inch scratch on leg. Of course, this is all a sign of health. The late fifteenth century of the western world has arrived in their lives: the Age of Exploration.

In multiples circles "Twinshock" refers to the profound realization of how different your life has become because you have twins. I feel that way now, more than I have since they were born. The sleep issues, safety issues, social issues, owies, etc. are so extreme. The math is only partly additive, one boy plus one boy. It's also exponential in that they feed off each other and escalate whatever developmental stage they're working on. In public, when James or I are going somewhere without the other adult, it usually involves one toddler and one baby in the double stroller and one toddler either under arm or on a leash, people say, "You sure have your hands full!" It's always that exact phrase, at least 2-3 times every time we leave the house. You might think it gets old, but it doesn't - the acknowledgment is encouraging.

Notes that only a parent cares about, but I need to write down because this blog has become a substitute for a baby book or scrapbooking:

Oliver's words: bipper (diaper), motter (water), mommy, daddy, up, down, bobcat, potty, Wedgie (Wesley), car

Wesley's words: Oddie (Ollie), mommy, daddy, up, down, car, ni ni (night night), no, no, no, no, no, no.

Wesley is also very much into kissing, which is pretty great.

Ollie and Uncle Mark

Uncle Mark is visiting this week. "Oo-gobbity" is Mark and Oliver's special word, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you tried it. Go ahead!

This expression does not mean, "I'm about to do something helpful."

I like this photo of James

Did I mention that the new house we bought is only 20 square feet total? That's all we need - the boys are within five inches of us almost all the time.

crazed baby

Oliver is pointing out something extremely important